Monday, November 4, 2013

** Baby Food Matters

So, my mom and I were talking today on IM about my recent spate of ADD moments.  As we IM'ed on Facebook, I noticed my hubby coming in from getting the mail, looking like he needed a kiss.  I hopped up and gave him a kiss, took the mail, sorted through it with him, talked about shopping for clothes, got a glass of water and went to the sofa to read a tech book about how to blog in the modern era.  I got midway through one paragraph before becoming distracted by the cat.  (Reading about how to blog is realllyyyyy dryyyy material.)  Petted the cat, thinking that I was forgetting something and then, *BINGO!* it came to me that I'd left my mom on IM several minutes earlier.  (My God, I am a great daughter.)

When I get back online with her, she recommends that I get more sleep.  She suggests that I eat more kiwi fruit because it contains natural triptophans, amino acids that can make one drowsy.  Milk and Turkey also contain these useful little buggers, I remember, and I'm all like, "I'll make evening shakes by grinding all of them up in a blender to slurp down before hitting the sack."  However, once I make this joke, memories of when our kids were infants come back to me in a rush and....I. am. so. ashamed.  

How you say, "No, freakin' no!"
See, back when our kids were both in diapers (They are 1 year, 2 days
apart in age, yes, it was tough, thanks for asking) and were eating from little prepared jarred foods, we fed them the odd mixtures without question it is....they had no verbal skills with which to argue about it.  Then, as they grew, they slowly stuffed this "blended" food abuse down into the deepest recesses of their minds.

Anybody who knows babies knows that what goes into the mouth will
most likely make at least one reappearance, when the wily parent collects it from the cheeks, wrangles it back onto the spoon and shoves it back into little baby's mouth.  Our son and daughter used to grimace and thrust out such delightful mixtures as "Apricots and Turkey," "Apple, Sweet Potato and Chicken," and, "Pear, Chicken and Carrots," and we would just *swipe* it back up off of their little faces and re-feed it to them, spit and all.  I'm regretful when I think about it now but, we reasoned at the time, all of the ingredients were so nutritious, of course, it was good for them.  They just couldn't tell yet because they were infants.  It must have been pretty hideous.  I know why they rebelled in their teens now.  And, I don't blame them a bit.  What were we thinking?

No, it is NOT delicious, 
Whole Foodies.
It is wrong.
    Now it's come full circle - My mom is still trying to get me to eat this kind of gross mixture!!  OMG, mom, really!??  (You know I'm kidding, mom.  Don't raise your eyebrow at the keyboard like that - I can't see you.)

    Yeah, okay, just joshing but I'm not kidding about the horrific realization that I fed my children food combinations that nobody could get on board with, even if they were slathered with salt, butter, gravy or beer.  It occurred to me that I might just plain spit up on someone who tried to force feed me a turkey, kiwi and milk combo, too.  (I'd probably freakin' slug them while I'm at it because, like, what the HELL?!?)  There would be a pureed nightmare all over the place and a 911 call would take place.  No way in hell, people, no way in hell.

    So, let this be a lesson to you new parents (or soon-to-be new parents) out there.  Before you feed your child anything, ask yourself:  "Self?  Would you eat this?"  Then, take the contents of that little jar (bananas works best), throw a little coconut into the mix, a shot of rum and a tiny little umbrella and slurp that puppy down!  Then, give your child some human food, in tiny little separated portions.  Namaste, little baby, Namaste.....


  1. Okay, maybe I exaggerated just a tad. I seem to recall them opening their mouths back up, like baby birds, for more of the funky textured/flavored stuff. However, they looked surprised with just about every bite, as though something should have changed, and Alex didn't make the "mmm" noise that he did with fruits. Our daughter turned "Oompa-Loompa" orange because she loved carrots, sweet potatoes, apricots and Red Dye #4 laced bananas so much. Babies. Whatcha gonna do....

  2. My mom swears that she could put green beans and peaches on a spoon and I would eat the peaches and spit out the green beans! I was a talented infant!

    1. I'll bet your mom was right! What sadist thought up that terrifying combination, anyway? Green beans and peaches? Way to make good babies go bad, I'm telling ya.... :P


Thanks for your comment! :)