** 8 Things About Me - (aka: "OMG, This Trend is Going Around Again.")

1.       I think that sleep disorder specialists in Georgetown, TX, should NOT freakin’ make sleepless people come in for their first initial consultation at 7:30am in the freakin’ am, dammit.  I mean, think about it:  From Lago V, it’ll take me 45 minutes to get there and 45 minutes to get ready to go.  This means that, though I won’t be able to FALL asleep until 3am, I will still have to get up at 6am in order to get there on time.  If I don’t fall asleep at the wheel and die on the way.  If I actually DO make it there at this ungodly hour, I won’t have a rational brain with which to communicate said insomnia to said sadistic doctor. 
What’s up, doc?  I am, you asshole.

2.       “Fried Eggs, Over Easy” rarely come out that way unless you slather the pan in grease first, preferably bacon grease.  Even so, they meld into an un-flippable conjoined-twin formation that folds in upon itself upon the attempt.  Then, instead of gooey yummi-ness, the yolks turn into solid rubber when (not ‘if’) they break.  I keep trying, however, which proves that I am either sleep deprived or stupid.  (Pick one.  In this case, you will be correct.)

        This Product Really Exists.

      3.       Egg shells in your non-over-easy greasy rubber egg mess are a hen’s revenge for eating her babies.  Calcium is good for you and sometimes comes in crunchy little packages.

      4.       Have I told you that I have a Blog?  Probably.  However, because my cousin Kelsie is making me write “8 Things” about myself, I will reiterate that fact and will put this there, too, because I am a cheater like that.  (Hey, I wrote it, right?  It counts as a ramble.)  Join my FB Blog Site at:  www.Facebook.com/OffTheInternet or just go to the Blogspot site and join up at:  www.OffTheInternet.Blogspot.com .  It will make me feel good about life.  Bonus: You will get regular ramble posts from me once the Christmas rush on beer tap handles has eased up.  Because I want to write a book and this is the only way that I will accomplish that goal. 
(Why, yes, that WAS shameless self-promotion, thanks for noticing! Now, go sign up for my Blog and share it with others.)

5.      I make custom beer tap handles in my art studio downstairs.  They’re selling really well this Christmas season.  I think it’s so super cool to make someone a personalized gift that makes both them AND the giftgiver AND me feel super cool for these creations.  They pour beer.  And Love.

Say Cheese!

6.      My hubby and I just bought a 2013 Infiniti G37 with the premium package and nav system.  Sweet ride, seriously.  When driving, you can’t see the cool, curvy hood, which makes your brain believe that you have more space in between you and the car in front of you with the brake lights on.  You don’t.  This makes Jeff and I jam the brakes on, occasionally, but I’m getting better at it. 
A friend of ours named Jeff R. just recently bought a Lamborghini AND a freakin’ McLaren.  Right after we bought the stoopid Infiniti.  Way to one-up it, Jeff R.  Showoff.

7.      If you were once a musician/singer-songwriter person but can’t gig out anymore because your wrists yell at you when you do and your back screams, “Die, bitch!” after 15 minutes of playing, are you STILL a musician?  I have music in my head about 75% of my waking hours, some of it still of my own creation.  Am I an ex-musician or am I still a musician?  I say that if you still own more than 4 guitars and cut the nails on your left hand in order to play them every now and then, you are still a musician because you have sacrificed your manicure for music.  So there.  I am/was/still am a musician, though I don’t use my stage name anymore.

8.      I think that red traffic light signals look like little round “Light Bright” boards at night.  Though I’m pretty sure they’re actually NOT, I really want them to be “Light Bright” boards.  (Look at them at night…don’t you want to play with them?) 

This concludes the “8 Little Known Facts (Observations) about (by) Me” thing.  Now, I get to call out someone else for 8 little known things about them.  (Ready, Jeff R.??)